The Bro Code Re-Analyzed

Very recently I decided to review “The Bro Code”, essential reading for every young man and his “Bros”. If you know what I mean.

Before I go on, I’d like to say that if you are a guy who hasn’t read this book, I really don’t know what you’ve been doing. No seriously, HOW could you not have read the Bro Code?! It’s probably the reason why you lack all round wholesome general awesomeness. If for some inexcusable reason you haven’t gone through this ‘must read code of honor book’, close this page right now and go look for it. Otherwise you’re not a Bro; you’re a Dude or a Guy but definitely not a Bro. When you have extensively studied it, come back here.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I’ve had cause to revisit The Bro Code because of the recent story about Memphis Grizzlies basketball player, Matt Barnes, who drove 95 miles to can the ass of a former team mate, turned coach, Derek Fisher. This was apparently because Fisher (who ought to be his bro) was fooling around with his ex-wife, Gloria Govan.

As the story goes, his twin sons, who might I add seem to be very familiar with the bro code, called to tell him that this guy (his ex-team mate Derek Fisher) was in their home with their mom! And this obviously made Barnes drive out 95 miles to end him.

Side-note: As much as I would like to commend the Barnes’ effort of trying to defend and keep his honor, I find it very impressive that a man managed to remain pissed for the entire duration of NINETY FIVE miles! He was probably listening to some DMX tracks to keep that anger level high.

Moving on. Now, after extensively studying The Bro Code, I came across the very last rule; Article 150 which expressly states “No Sex with Your Bro’s Ex”. According to this rule “It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with a Bro’s ex”, and violating this code according to the manual is worse than killing a Bro. Curiously, there was an amendment attached to the aforementioned article stating that “a Bro is entitled to have sex with his Bro’s ex IF (1) she initiates it, (2) she’s really hot, (3) or his bro is out-of-town or in a different room.”

the bro code
O! Gloria, why’d you come between two Bros like this?

So, if any of the above conditions existed then the said violator was within his rights. I don’t know about 1 but having seen Gloria Govan’s picture, condition 2 was most definitely met.

Then again, you have to remember that Barney Stinson, the womanizer from hit TV show “How I Met Your Mother,” is the author of “The Bro Code,” and every article in there is aimed at getting laid.

On a serious note, there seems to be something wrong with dating your buddy’s ex. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it seems to be a matter of disagreeing with your Bro’s reason(s) as to why she became his ex in the first place. Also it’s like revealing that you’ve been waiting to covet your Bro’s chic. One word; disrespectful.

In high school and university there were two basic unwritten rules (even before the formal publication of the Bro Code); (1) Once you called dibs first on a girl (juvenile I know), your friends backed off. And (2) Once the both of you broke up, she was also off-limits. There were some exceptions; sometimes your friend could give you permission to go out with his ex, but usually that second rule applied.

Something similar happened in football some years ago when John Terry of Chelsea Football Club was globally vilified for sleeping with the wife of his (then) England national teammate Wayne Bridge. C’mon! Dude.

Let me explain something, a Bro is not just your friend, he’s a lifelong companion you can trust to always be there for you, well, unless he has something else going on (definition of a Bro by The Bro Code). So when your Bro is mooching around your ex, he is violating the sanctity of your Bro-ship. Personally I’ve always steered clear of my friends exes, just simply because it feels like betrayal. Their exes’ friends on the other hand…..well there’s no article in the book banning that!

So, if you’re out there reading this and you’ve fooling around with your bro’s ex, you’re a traitor, fair and simple. And if he decides to fly a million miles to whoop your ass, Bro, you had it coming.

O! Did I forget that Bros could be girls also? No law stopping that, according to Mr Stinson.

Ariel Ugorji.

Not read any of Barney Stinson’s books? Here are some interesting finds.

Images: broonthego.tumblr.com, basketball.realgm.com

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Ariel Ugorji
Ariel is an active Christian, fantasy lover, music junkie, nerd, and an introspective talkative. Opinions expressed are mine, but I’m very interested in discussing yours, so hit me up on social media. Looking forward to hearing from you!

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